Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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