Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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