THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
