I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
