My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The struggles of a small town man whore
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
