so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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