they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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