If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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