Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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