The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
