Its about making memories worth repressing
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
