Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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