So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
