Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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