4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
