Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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