No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
