Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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