a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
