I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
