I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
