so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
