wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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