I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
