I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Never joke about your clitoris.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
