You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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