Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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