I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You pole danced in your parka.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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