I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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