Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
