Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
