By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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