ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
