I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
