She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
