If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
