It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
