____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
