Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
