I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
