I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
