I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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