Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
