You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
