I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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