im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
