I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
