He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
