I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
