Your face is a jimmy john
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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