just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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