so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
