I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
why is half of my head shaved?
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