saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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