So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize