1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize