Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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